Am I losing myself ? ? ? ?

First of all. You're not weak, useless, or losing your self respect. However i think you're perception of him is shrowded by your feelings for him. No man should ever raise a hand to a woman, no excuses. I think you were brave to stick through it, buti honestly think you deserve to be treated much better. If you truly feel in your heart that he has changed and you think you would live a happier life with him then give him another chance. However, I'll say it again, no man should ever raise a hand to a woman and you deserve much more. Good Luck =)